Friday, February 18, 2011

Gripe of the week

OK, I'm not really going to come here and complain about something different each week because let's be honest, who really wants to read about that? But, there is something I want to complain about being a relatively new dad. Let it serve as a warning to any soon-to-be parents out there. And that is... (drum roll please)... Baby Sleepers with buttons. There are a few reasons for my disdain towards these inventions, and here's why:

As many current parents have most likely figured out by now, the "changing" process for an infant very closely mimics that of a NASCAR pit crew. You need to be in and out as quickly as possible, but you have to do a good job otherwise someone is going to have a problem very soon. And everyone knows who's fault it'll be too. The faster you can get that diaper changed and get the kiddo back to whatever they were doing, the happier everyone will be. In my experience, sleepers with buttons goes completely against this theory.

Now, certain individuals (like Mommy B) have smaller and more nimble fingers than I do, so this issue is moot for them. However, if you've ever shaken my hand you know right away that I don't exactly have the smallest digits. Another trait that my father passed on to me was his ginormous hands. I know that's not a real word, but have you ever seen someone break a sledgehammer into two pieces with their bare hands? Yeah, that was called 'Pulling a Big Meibs' around our house growing up. Stuff like that happened so often we actually came up with a phrase for it.

You see, his hands are proportionate to the rest of his body - all 6 feet 6 inches of it. He actually won a $100 bet one time that his hand spans 10 inches from the tip of his thumb to the tip of his ring finger. Well guess what? Sonny-boy over here got 9 inches of that... attached to a 5 foot 10 inch frame. Needless to say, hands the size of my dad's look kind of funny on a guy like me.

I joke to everyone that I have baseball gloves for hands - which illustrates my dilemma. If you ever have the chance, try buttoning your shirt with a catcher's mit on... and you'll feel my pain. Having banana hands makes it rather difficult to get an infant out of and back into a sleeper when there are miniature buttons all the way up the front. My hands were made to palm a basketball, grip a hammer, and give a killer back rub (just ask Mommy B)... not button mini buttons. The folks that made infant sleepers with buttons obviously assumed that only people with small fingers would be dealing with them. Well, I got news for them - I'm buying zip-ups from now on.


  1. Haha! I think my husband, Eric, would totally agree with you! Sometimes poor Lucy is hanging wide open down there because he totally missed half the buttons!!

  2. Meibs, you neglect to mention a seldom discussed fact from your history. Those hands are made of stone. They're the reason why you led the conference in passes defended and not interceptions. Thank goodness Mama B doesn't toss lil' Alli Ru to you!